post-it notes from the NO FUTURE: a wannabe writer in the beta: IT'S NOT JUST A PHASE I'M GOING THRU.




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wTuesday, October 24, 2006

Rocky III says: (12:16:59)
hi mate how's things?
kicking_k says:? (12:17:25)
dunno. ok. you?
Rocky III says:? (12:17:37)
similar i think
Rocky III says:? (12:18:08)
seem to be in some kind of stasis
Rocky III says:? (12:18:39)
so you wanting to pack in the deejaying thing?
kicking_k says:? (12:18:51)
is not an option.
kicking_k says:? (12:19:12)
am mostly just increasingly frustrated at not having time to write play.
kicking_k says:? (12:19:42)
and have decided i need to change things round - make it more of a priority.
Rocky III says:? (12:19:58)
so what are you going to sacrafice?
kicking_k says:? (12:20:22)
kicking_k says:? (12:20:33)
already given up on most socializing for it.
kicking_k says:? (12:20:47)
'it' being club/mag work...
Rocky III says:? (12:21:26)
guess if you have trimmed the fat not much you can do really
kicking_k says:? (12:21:49)
but there has to be.
kicking_k says:? (12:22:03)
for starters, am planning a month at mum's where i jjust work on play.
Rocky III says:? (12:27:54)
I'm so much in limbo at the moment I just have no idea what i'm doing
Rocky III says:? (12:28:32)
with work/socially/emotionally... everything just seems pointless
kicking_k says:? (12:31:13)
it's that old thing - you have to let yr actions lead. emotiions will follow.
Rocky III says:? (12:31:35)
yeah very phlosopical
kicking_k says:? (12:31:36)
if you wait for yr mood to change without changing the situatiion they're based upon, you cd be waiting forever.
Rocky III says:? (12:32:26)
yeah i know...yer righti tell myself the same thing all the time it's just having no effect at the moment
kicking_k says:? (12:33:00)
don't wait for it to have an affect. just go out and do what you intellectually know is the right thing to do.
kicking_k says:? (12:35:12)
i know it's not so easy, but..
Rocky III says:? (12:35:41)
yeah...as you said not easy
Rocky III says:? (12:36:00)
I'm determined to do something very soon though
kicking_k says:? (12:36:00)
but you can do it.
kicking_k says:? (12:36:20)
and doing something not easy will make you feel better about yrself precisely 'cause... it wasn't easy.
Rocky III says:? (12:37:51)
such logic
Rocky III says:? (12:38:08)
but blah blah blah
kicking_k says:? (12:39:18)
it's easier to say than do.

posted by kicking_k at 6:51 am

wFriday, September 22, 2006

longer-lasting glum

sorry i haven't been in touch. hope you're well. ceaselessly, pointlessly busy over here - if it isn't the mag, it's the club, if it isn't the club it's the move. am salvaging mere minutes to bury in cleaning (increasingly my best stress therapy, semi-weirdly) and have started on a new short story (this almost *always* indicates a big mood shift, and is usually the first symptom of a return to catharsis). have bought bunch of secondhand books and am enjoying the input, have plans to do nothing with people i like at weekend (or possibly stay cloistered in room and obsess over writing - cd go either way)... more soon, promise.

posted by kicking_k at 7:56 am

wTuesday, September 05, 2006

the arrgh that swallowed the zzz

didn't get onto edinburgh playwright scheme. feel... not good. was relying on this. ups stress, means i have to do something else. must reconsider balance of fucking life. plan on taking holibob ((c) leesey can't swim) homeward to do nothing but write at earliest opportunity. the best thing about setbacks like this is that they usually galvanise me into snotty anger + action. i believe in this play and won't be told different. i will finish it before xmas, and i will do something with it.

posted by kicking_k at 1:56 am

wWednesday, August 30, 2006

Prance Maverick and Power Booty says:? (15:29:25)
have you started putting up small flyers about how im the best person you know?
Prance Maverick and Power Booty says:? (15:29:42)
"john: hes just a really great guy"
kicking_k says:? (15:30:40)
tattoos, mostly.
Prance Maverick and Power Booty says:? (15:30:51)
ok, that'll do
kicking_k says:? (15:31:02)
under my clothes.
kicking_k says:? (15:31:09)
where no one can see them.
kicking_k says:? (15:31:17)
but... it hurts so good, jon.
kicking_k says:? (15:31:22)
it hurts so good.
Prance Maverick and Power Booty says:? (15:31:36)
my name has an H, bitch!
kicking_k says:? (15:31:39)
kicking_k says:? (15:31:42)
kicking_k says:? (15:31:46)
gimme a mo.
Prance Maverick and Power Booty says:? (15:32:28)
yeah, get on that
kicking_k says:? (15:33:56)
kicking_k says:? (15:34:06)
the price we pay for typos.
kicking_k says:? (15:34:09)
kicking_k says:? (15:34:12)
i'm ok.
kicking_k says:? (15:34:16)
i'm ok.
kicking_k says:? (15:34:18)
kicking_k says:? (15:34:30)
it really isn't bleeding that much.
Prance Maverick and Power Booty says:? (15:35:40)
kicking_k says:? (15:35:54)
it's not self-harm if you don't like yrself.
kicking_k says:? (15:36:01)
man, i'm quotable.

posted by kicking_k at 3:10 am

wMonday, August 28, 2006

when there's nothing left to do

it's been productive. everything. all my time, the last few weeks. i'm ahead of schedule. and now it's sunday night and the house is empty and i can't think what to do until the time i decide it wd not be too tragic to go to bed.

out last night, but aside from a few conversations with fond friends, was bored, left early. spent the entirity of today writing assorted articles and napping in between bouts of mental activity. very pleased with results, actually - but a bit lost now that they're done and dispatched. i have a pretty specific focus in my life and it's a tangent that tends toward self-reliance... and as an extension of that, isolation. i want to find a better balance, but i also want to find some time from someplace to get back to the play, so i don't know how that's possible...

got turned down for a loan. not entirely surprised to learn i have a poor credit score. still, is hardly the end of the world if i don't register on calculators. there's always options. hmm. ok, fuck this. i'm of to YouTube to watch j-pop videos or Colbert Report clips or something.

posted by kicking_k at 12:00 am

wMonday, August 21, 2006

kicking_k says:? (22:50:43)
are yr user names always song titles?
Music Is My Hot, Hot Sex says:? (22:50:57)
Music Is My Hot, Hot Sex says:? (22:51:03)
is yr name always KICKING K?
kicking_k says:? (22:51:14)
Music Is My Hot, Hot Sex says:? (22:51:27)
Music Is My Hot, Hot Sex says:? (22:51:29)
how are you?
kicking_k says:? (22:51:34)
kicking_k says:? (22:51:44)
good thx, yrself?
Music Is My Hot, Hot Sex says:? (22:51:59)

posted by kicking_k at 1:09 pm

wSunday, August 20, 2006

bury a sniff

an episode of futurama had me on the edge of tears earlier. it concerned a dog who was loyal, and lonely, and then died. i don't want a dog, or a cartoon dog, or a master (the pinee) but i can empathise. although i didn't actually cry ('cause i've been unable to actually cry for as long as i can remember) i do take heart at such seedlings remaining within my breast. it;s nice to feel occasionally human, like i might have stuff in common with others excepting fucking records or current affairs or such.

posted by kicking_k at 9:22 pm