didn't get onto edinburgh playwright scheme. feel... not good. was relying on this. ups stress, means i have to do something else. must reconsider balance of fucking life. plan on taking holibob ((c) leesey can't swim) homeward to do nothing but write at earliest opportunity. the best thing about setbacks like this is that they usually galvanise me into snotty anger + action. i believe in this play and won't be told different. i will finish it before xmas, and i will do something with it.