post-it notes from the NO FUTURE: a wannabe writer in the beta: IT'S NOT JUST A PHASE I'M GOING THRU.




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wWednesday, April 28, 2004

like ink on blotting paper

when not working, sleeping or drunk, or worse, i am reading. i am reading a lot right now, inoculating myself against some non-specific psychic turbulence fizzing and fraying at my farthest edges. see, you can see i'm reading, 'cause i've clearly absorbed someone else's circumlocutory style. that, and the effort of compacting everything i have to say on a given song, artist, adjective or moment of time into an obviously insufficient word count. still...

most recently, i read 'the end of the affair' by graham greene, which possesses the clarity, the elegance and the poetry of a prayer. and then, since last night, paul morley's 'nothing', from which i drew the effusive self-consciously self-important sub-philosophical sprawl referenced above. it is endearing, how he's so desperate to reach across and connect, how he's constantly churning words, obsessively furrowing each sentence, never standing back, never allowing himself the small victory of a full stop - but shaking his head and rushing back over what he's written, breathlessly digging, pulling up by the root, replanting... it's exhausting.

at its worst, it becomes a kind of word game playing at deeper meaning. a word game playing deeper in meaning. a mean game, playing in the deep, a word of deeper kindness, a mean word, the meaning of playing - you get the picture. it's as if he's trying all the combinations to a safe in turn. sentences spiral, overlap, become entangled. still...

i feel like i'm recharging.

posted by kicking_k at 3:12 pm

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