post-it notes from the NO FUTURE: a wannabe writer in the beta: IT'S NOT JUST A PHASE I'M GOING THRU.




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wSunday, October 12, 2003

the white room

i quite often nowadays get into a shallow state of sleep where i dream, fully aware that's what this is, and able, to some degree at least to get a little authorial control - a kind of arms-length distance... often it takes the form of movement within some environment, and i can kind of explore - though it still feels like i'm essentially drifting forward - that my only real choice is to continue along the tracks or resurface. another common thing is a kind of awareness there is something unknown in a room, around a corner - that there is something to be afraid of, and i can either go forward to meet it - or make myself wake - which really isn't so hard.

it was mid-afternoon, i was kind of zoned-out, low-level fatigue getting the best of me. lay on my bed, fully-clothed and found myself gliding slowly down a white corridor. there's a pause - a doorless doorframe in front of me, a room behind it around to the left. and i know there's something around the corner, and i don't have to - i've slowed to a near-halt now, i could still sit up if i wanted to... there's a feeling of dread, of generalized fear, worrying away at the edge of me... but i decide i'm going to do it, and i lurch forward again, into the room - now my vision here is more like a camera view than anything, so i only see what's directly in front of me... the doorway is white, as is the wall - and i'm passing into the room now, it's narrow, also white, everything - no fixtures or fittings, no furniture - the camera pans as i turn with it, as woozy as a drunk, but disembodied, as if i'm floating slowly down to the white carpet and - i can see around the corner - i am sliding down the wall and i can feel my mouth stretching open as wide as it can, i am screaming no sound, just unspeakable fucking fear clenching me into the foetal position as i stare into the centre of the white room.

but the white room is empty.

posted by kicking_k at 11:54 pm

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